On the Choosing of Teams

In response to my mindless rantings about PBS and the Three Tenors, Simcha wrote:

what I dislike, another will like, must I build camps or teams on my side?

Immediately, I was put in mind of one of the most horrible of human experiences - gym class and the choosing of the teams.

Last week, one of my tweeps, waiting for her therapy appointment, posted:

In the waiting room for psychotherapy - almost 10 am - if my therapist is the last to get me its like Im back in gym

If you've ever been the last one standing there, you know pain . . . loneliness . . . shame . . . You know what it's like to be unwanted. And the experience is seared into your very being.

I have no athletic ability - at all. I was last pick - every time.

I don't think that it was being picked last that was so traumatic as it was the look on the team captain's face (as well as the faces of all the others) stuck with me. The groans, the sighs - they are still with me.

And they revisit me each time my own depression comes for an unwelcome visit - the looks on faces, the groans, the loneliness, the oppressive weight of "not being wanted."

And yet each of us - yours truly included - set about the task of selecting our own teams; letting the privileged draw nigh, while casting others aside.

Often, like the psychotherapist who has a propensity for running just a touch late, it is unintentional - there is no ill-will intended. Or it might be some mild-mannered bitching about music (like 3 Tenors) that others might value dearly. But, intended or not, the slight can wound the slighted.

Sitting at the bar the other night (because, after all, what is life without cocktails???), I found myself wanting to "not pick" the talkative guy sitting next to me, as I found his conversation skills "lacking" (nice, huh?!?). Amazingly, minutes later, he was doing the same - complaining about a club he visited (once) catering to a trans-gender crowd (because there were too many trans-gendered people there for his taste).

Are we able to be welcoming people? Can we learn to live and speak and act in a manner that honors others? Is it possible for us to reach out to folks whose conversation, tastes, and interests might NOT resonate with us at first?

Can we be truly human with one another? Can we learn to live in a different manner than we have thus far?

I can't speak for anyone else, but I can learn to notice my propensity to play Team Captain. I can learn to stop myself. I can learn to put into practice the words of Ghandi: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."